me at Uxfest 2003

"I don't blame the rum anymore"

"I don't blame the rum anymore" was the response to the text message on the phone. A few similar-but-different responses had been typed out but deleted. It seemed to cover everything in the shortest amount of space.

...This one's got a lot to it.

It seems better to work backwards here, starting from where we are. So it starts with a text, or rather, a response to one. Which in turn was also a response to one.
But I don't blame the rum anymore.
I know my choices are my own. Including the choice to buy some rum. It's been a while, believe it or not! Work has been busy and tomorrow is the first of 2 days off in a row coming up so I went to the store on my way home, knowing that I didn't need to be up or go anywhere.

But then I thought about James.

And I drank, and then I drank. And then I thought about James. And then I drank and then I texted James.

The poor sod. I don't know what he's got going on in his life. The last thing he needs is someone who ran away from him because they started to have FEELINGS crawling out of the bushes and talking about how they still carry that weight. That's not on him.

But I don't blame the rum anymore.
  • Current Music
    Jessica Lange :: Gods And Monsters
me at Uxfest 2003


Am so very way too impatient for SPN8 to start so am rewatching s1ep1 to get some kind of fix. OHMYGOD. I forgot how Baby™ they were at the beginning! JARED. WITH HIS FACE. BUT. I am kinda missing a lot of dialogue cause I can't stop saying "Oh my god he's just so fucking pretty" every time there's a shot of Dean. Jensen is one hot dude and he HAS. NO. BAD. ANGLE. Every... just... delicious.... can't... mmuuuhuhhhhh droolface and death of prettygoodhotyum.... yes please with second and third helpings *_*

AND PLUS. How can someone's teeth be good-looking... their teeth? HOW?! Jensen is a disgraceful obscenity, and he humiliates regular humans on an hourly basis just by existing and LOOKING LIKE HIMSELF.

[I had loads of amazing Dean icons far more appropriate as a tribute to HOT!FACEDNESS but can't pay to keep my account MEGA for another week so LOLZ U GET TEH TOFU WUN! :D]

Also, "-itis" refers to a medical condition of "imflammation" XD so my current mood is not only witty, but apt as all hell.

now piss off, I'm trying to watch my thiiiing!!!!
  • Current Mood
me at Uxfest 2003

Mary moved to West Virginia.......

I didn't know people could find out what stuff people search for until liselotte_e started saying what weird things get put into searches to end up at her site. [still don't get how that can actually happen, it's a pretty impossible thing to do! I mean, if people end up at my LJ after searching for "shitty kitten blossom frogfaced rainbows" how the hell do you investigate that sort of thing?! I don't even know how you'd start to find that kinda shit out!]

So I am pretty much delighted that someone somewhere working for a search engine will know that I typed in "Shallow Gravy Jacket". It's probably not one of the most bizzarre search texts, seeing as a lot of people may search for freaked out shit like "stinky foot pussy bitch nocturnal" or some other such random crap, but if you don't know the reference, it'll probably make someone with a boring office job looking through searches go "!" And if they actually search for SHALLOW GRAVY JACKET in their curiosity and intrigue, as you should, they would be immensely rewarded with awesome! As opposed to what you'd get if you searched for "stinky foot pussy bitch nocturnal" which may likely be horrible and coated entirely with the sugarless ungrantable desire to unsee it, just like the evil arrow in the FedEx sign. Even though I just made that phrase up and 2% of me would love to search for to see what happens, I'm the other 98% scared of it.

If someone working for the search engine actually got the reference before clicking on Shalloww Gravy Jacket, I'd highly encourage them to email me [I mean.... they can find out what I searched for, so surely they must be able to find out where to reach me, both are equally as unlikely but apparently possible] because. dude. Anyone who knows that reference without having to search for it is pretty much a god. I discovered today that although I'd love to do all my favorite characters' voices [anyone who knows me who knows me knows that doing a character voice of someone like Cartman, Dean Venture or Chris Griffin is one of my DreamJobs™] ....... Tim-Tom and Kevin are the only ones I can pull off realistically besides 24 & Cnl Gentleman so far. THERE ARE SO MANY. I want to be able to do Dean! And Hank! And Rusty! And Hatred! For some reason especially Hatred! And the Monarch! And BROCK AND HUNTER AND TRAISTER.... okay I can do Shore Leave but that's only cause he's Generic!GayGuy™ and I've been perfecting that for years. BOOM! ;P

Pretty much... this is the lamest "I haven't posted for ages and this is all I could come up with" post. but. seriously. I am working on a major epic!postface... it just gots ta be finizzled. Ized. Etc.

In the meantime, while I'm trying to wordalize April through July's odd happenings to write up in a neat little packywackage for you, I think you should watch Raising Hope. It's pretty Darn Good.
me at Uxfest 2003

!!! K.A. BAYBEH!

SO APPARENTLY.... going out to drink in Glastonbury is a really. really. Good idea! :D Met up with a couple of peeplez I know and meeting some random stragglers from Netherlands & Arizona, along with some other regular Glastonites and also having a lot of cider WOOOOOO! :D It was an Open Mic night at King Arthur and some good stuff happened- the first girl up, Polly, with her gee-tar, sang a song about dust mites having a party and then sang a song about frogs! :D

It still feels weird telling people about "my boyfriend" cause [A]: I never thought I would and certainly never wanted to have one of those ever again in my whole life- it still feels so strange to refer to someone in that way after so long of not having it & deciding that I never would, and [B]: he's ... Well. can someone who's 40 years old still be a "boyfriend"? It feels like such a ...teenage way to describe someone XD

I got the bus back here from Heathrow on Monday night and ended up sitting next to a guy who lives here and we were having a good chat and a laugh and he wants to do my astrology chart, LOLZ, and we traded numbers [I felt okay with this because he mentioned having a girlfriend so I knew he wasn't someone trying to be a sleaze [makes a change!], it was just a good honest chat and we made horrific fun of the more extreme American accents :D]

Also. It just feels good to be alive right now. can't describe it but... HEY HEY HEY! HO HUM. I think it might be a Slightly-more-than-slightly-intoximacated-Primate Bedtime. Naaaaaaarrrrf!

Also, FLAAAAAAAME has taken me on and I will be being a Goblin/pixie at one of the kids' birthday parties she does and I'm gonna actually get PAID for dressing up, being silly, and rolling around doing a treasure hunt. YES. YES.


I like making random sounds. Especially cat or sheep ones.

Am pretty sure I meant to say something else but ... it's gone. GONE! Lost unto the winds of cider!
  • Current Music
    Avenue Q :: Fantasies Come True
me at Uxfest 2003

(no subject)

Today at work, I was cleaning out the fridge by the door when Vicky tried to come in, banged the 2 doors together.
Her: Oh sorry Monkey! good thing it was the door and not you...
Me: That would have been okay too! I like purple. :D
Her: *_* uuuuh. you're scaring me now *walks away*
Me: *blink* seriously?

Hah! She ... hahaha! I was just standing there agog for ages thinking "how is that scary?!" Dude. If I ever want to really freak her out I could just spout a few more truths about things I thought were rather vanilla!

I don't care particularly for this song at all- it's the VIDEO that's perfect.

  • Current Music
    Taproot :: Trophy Wifi

"Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising, it's okay not to be okay"

I was so happy to find my old MP3 player last night which has A Fine Frenzy on it!! :D 3 ALBUMS! But then the first song that came up was.... Collapse )

[It has WAY more effect if you can actualz hear the song. The sound.... just. Well. It r compleat.]

Friday night I was going to my brother's house and someone left a newspaper on the bus. I picked it up and it was BOOOORING [anyone ever read Skyport? Don't. ¬_¬] BUT. I ripped out my horrorscope. Which be:

Now that you've decided that this is the year you're going to banish old self-doubt and have more faith and belief in yourself, you won't mess about. In fact you'll hit the ground running. It's a new year, a new you and you intend to turn your life on its head a little at a time. Go for it!


Also, who the fucking retarded fuckface of EVER calls the 0904 number at the end of suchlike? "ooooh, pay us £6 a minute for the phone call to find out what you'd have found out eventually anyway PPPPPLLLLZZZZZZ!" Fucking cuntfaced bastard asses. WITH SMALL DICKS ON THEIR HEADS!!!!

Anyway I FUCKING LOVE my niece [WHOSE NAME IS VIOLET *_* HSLSUISUM .......I KNOW] When she was tiny- like 4 or 5 months old, I used to go into my brother's room and take her away when he & Sara were arguing & shouting. Wrap her up all snug, put on some meditation music to help her sleep.... I felt such ultimate and strong LOVE in those times holding her.

I didn't have anything to do with her for about 6 years of her life due to disputes over my brother being a dick [which he SO can be] Now. It's just. Okay, she CAN be annoying sometimes but that's only because she is ... scarily like watching myself. She's fucking crazy and funny and the other night I was there, she was like "you HAVE to watch me dance!!" So I'm all "okay" and... holy shit. It was SERIOUSLY like watching myself. She was dancing in the way that I was dancing-badly-on-purpose that night at Feeling Gloomy for the Worst Dancer Competition AND FUCKING WON XD XD XD

I feel good for her though- when I was 11 you weren't "allowed" to be yourself. These days it seems a bit like the gay revolution- being who you are is actually encouraged. Great, I fully support that. But. Shouldn't it have always been that way? Why is it so strange to be Okay-no-matter-who-you-are all of a sudden?

Pffft. Today's poetrees. First in YEARS:
Collapse )
  • Current Mood
    LAME. And needing to pee-pee
my shoes <3

Fix me in 4-t-5.......

I may as well be a drunkArd again- [except totally don't worry, I won't. really dunwanna! :/] I thought it was the alcohol that made me embarrass myself. But no. It's just me XD

I may have been alive 30 years [even though am NOT 30 plz. EVAR. ahem.] but I still don't know how this is supposed to work... this whole "tell a guy you like him without being a 7th-grade retard about it" thing. How?! And why do I even *LIKE* a guy?! I DO NOT "DO" FEELINGS. UGH! Bastard. Lame. LAME!

I feel like a barnacle clinging unwantedly onto the ship of humanity :(

PS. Derpeshian r not cumin back innit. Plz no to woray u gaiz. Just. This one thing.

Edit: Just found a STACK of J2 fixxorz not read for ages in my "memories" >:D muahahahahahaaaa! Now I believe in Santa Claus XD
  • Current Music
    FOB :: IOH :: Thriller